Risible and risqué, the banana is never safely handled. They are fundamental to smoothies, but lost Smooth David the leadership of the Labour Party when he was caught like a chimp limply hanging it from his wrist and mocked in the morning editions. You can’t take anything seriously when associated with it, and a banana republic is always ignorable, yet bananas fuelled the longest running trade war in Europe. Unexpectedly, they are produced even in Iceland but nowhere can they be safely be stored in a trouser pocket. Banana Equivalent Dose is a formal measure of radiation exposure. Avoid them. More warnings will follow, kum quat may. Beware the wrath of grapes.